Needs a bridge. 8 bars. Drums & bass. Spoken. Not sung. Describe what’s going on around the campfire or something like that. This guy goes with that girl. This girl with another. Thank god she’s looking at me. Type a thing.

I had to use a link to the song. I use songspace.com. You can create a link.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it. Hopefully I can figure out how to upload the music on this site. So far, nobody has replied, when I ask for help

Sorry about that. I really wanted to upload the whole song. But, I can't figure out what is wrong. I keep getting an error. File extension (601). But, here are my lyrics

Why do you haunt me (Verse 1) I travel alone down a broken road ever since you left only God knows how I've made it this far without you there I can't help but look for you where you lay your head But I get on somehow without you in this bed my nights are cold now though I can still feel your hands on my chest I wake up and reach for you cause my heart can't find rest (Bridge) it's like I feel you here with me but you're gone and I'm asking please (chorus) why do you haunt me your visions...

I like the title. Where are the lyrics?

I think you should introduce the redneck zone at the end of the first verse and plug it in more often through out the song. Very good start but really bring home the red neck zone as often as you can.

My friend is the President of the local VFW Auxiliary, and was really touched by the lyrics. Would love to hear it and find out what you had in mind as far as the instrumental arrangement, but the words are powerful. Also like it that it applies equally to any conflict, whether it's Vietnam or Desert Storm or other more recent ones.

Song is doing well as is, no changes at this time. Best, Jim

Sounds like there's something to build on there. I'm new to the site but could I suggest some lyric amendments/additions. Hope I'm following the proper protocol. Here they are: If one life is all we have, Let me spend my days with you You add color to my canvas Every day a different hue. You brighten up my memories through images of you. It’s a canvas framed in love You make each day new. If one life is all we have, Let your touch entwine with mine We’ll keep turning pages as our lives merge...

I'm a bit of a newbie but would provide a lyric critique. I'm working on several song lyrics that definitely will need a critique. I'm just getting used to the forum.

I would don't in a lot of place where doesn't is used. For example : "Don't sleep like he used to", They don't understand his pain.

I'm a bit of a newbie to the site, but I like the song and message.

That works for me, Kenneth.

In the lamen terms of hip hop. "Thats **** is hard yo"

would you mind if i added some lyrics with this song?

Thank you, Kenneth. If they are interested, I would consider it.

I can hear Justin Beiber defenintly singing this chorus/hook. I can also hear like a soft electric guitar/church organ for the instrumental. It sounds a bit farfetched. But I really think Justin Beiber and Justin Timberlake can collaborate on this song with more lyrics.

Thank you, Scott. I added a new link.

I like the lyrics. For some reason I couldn't play the song link.

Very interesting folk song about a phobia! I liked the "fun" of this! Love the snow in the background as well. Of course I am in Southern California so...

Gut wrenching song. I like the suggestions, but the song speaks for itself. Thanks for your service.

Surreal, Edgar Allen Poe like, everything has its place. Great. keep on keeping on.

Nice song. Good message.

Thank you for sharing this, Eddy! I listened to it over on Soundcloud and it's a nice demo of the song too. Always good to hear people writing with meaning, purpose and heart. Also, it was great to meet you in July at our event!

Michael is right. You tell a clear story with images. You may want to develop your song structure. Verse, chorus etc... Maybe look into Sheila Davis's book "The Craft of Lyric Writing".

This lyric communicates the frustration felt by the subject very well. I would like to hear your ideas for the melody -- The flow of lyric vs. tempo is important. As it stands, however, I like it! Keep up the good work, Angela!

I can see the climate change element.

Ok, I'll come clean. It's referencing Climate Change, but maybe, that can be clarified in a stronger verse structure or updated verse version.

Oh also, there are a lot of images that seem to mean a lot, but it good to know a little more of what you intend. Is there a suicide or darker element here? Or is this just about how we get lost in our own perceptions?

Yeah. LIstening to it, I think what he means is a clear verse structure. It seems kind of meandering? But I like the gist of it too. There is definitely something here.

Structure as in clearer Verse Chorus sections?

Yeah. I agree with Scott. I liked the title right off though!

Not sure if the comment posted... But I listened to a bunch of your stuff and some really fun music there! Also so many styles and influences!

This is an interesting concept, but the structure of the song is hard for me to follow.

This is really a nice, evocative lyric, James. The recording was a too choppy to get a feel for the melody, though.

The lyrics look promising. But the demo was a little too rough for me to define the melody. Keep working on it!

Great song, great presentation. Is the his name Mark? What Label, or what stream do you use. You're as good as anybody out there. You've got a blue collar Heart that comes through when you sing.

You can never have enough Debbie Harry!

Too, much Blondie, who cares? She's sexy. Add in the rest: the best of the 70's +

Ahhhhh... the late 70's! One of the worst times in American music. The Disco error (Mispelling intentional) was peaking as the record labels were looking for ways to make records without those pesky songwriters and their newly instiuted pay raise--thanks to the 76 copyright act (spearheaded by the SGA I hasten to add).But I digress... let's talk about songs. There were still great songs being written but by and large only a handful were making it to mainstream radio because MTV hadn't blown...

"Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis" - Tom Waits Tom Waits is the undisputed master of finding beautiful melancholy in the mundane. His songs are filled with simple, devastating scenes that are both instantly recognizable and inexplicably sad. His exposition is told through details, not explanation. Waits is a genius at establishing a clear narrator in his songs effortlessly and almost invisibly. His songs don't dwell in some defining tragedy, but in the unrealized emptiness of day to...

www.youtube.com/watch

One of the standout new wave bands of the late 70's is Blondie. "Heart of Glass" was a brand new sound that broke ground for dance music of the 80's on in to EDM of today. There was still a real revolution happening then. Boston, Tom Petty, Pat Benatar, Heart and The Cars all ground breaking break out band that were new sounds. And the band from the 60's and early 70's still going strong Paul McCartney, David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, Steve Miller, BTO, The Stones and Fleetwood Mac. You can guess...

www.youtube.com/watch

The late 70’s, what a great time in music! The Clash, the Police, The B52’s, the Sex Pistols, Stevie Wonder’s “Songs in the Key of Life” came out in this time period. Parliament/ Funkadelic were doing some of their best work. But I like to go off the beaten path and explore a different kind of greatness. In December of 1979 in a bathroom at California Polytechnic State University a song was recorded that would launch a career that is still going today. This multi-Grammy winning artist is also...

Rambling, I completely understand what you're saying . Thanks much.

It is a really evocative line.

Go ahead you can have it!

Again I really like the lyric here, but the melody feels a bit rambling. Perhaps I am just not following it well with the edits. But still, the lyric is really nice.

Still not able to listen to this. Let me know if you can get it loaded on here or a better link?

This track is chaotic, but in a fun way!

There is definite potential. My advise would be that focus on establishing clear parts to the song would be nice... Find the A, B and C parts and keep returning to the A or B for the familiarity. Sort of a "home base."

I think Francisco said it best! A great line too! I wanna steal it.

This one has a melody that is a little more meandering than others you've posted, but the words/lyric I like!

So you want to go out and dance and she doesn't like to go clubbing. Sounds like a convincing declaration. I bet she goes. movement in the story. Great background vocals. All I here is potential.

Wow, Francisco, that mix with instruments ? Is that like a trance beat? I appreciate your time and attention. I would be glad to call it your production and pitch it around a few times and see what happens, if you like.